February 26th 2019 – Friendzone

Today I want to talk about the dreaded or not so dreaded (depending on the situation) Friendzone. The majority view the Friendzone as a bad thing but that’s not always the case.

Admittedly I have found myself in the Friendzone many a time and sometimes although rarely I have managed to get out of said Friendzone. Now there are no steps you can really take to get out as it more depends on the person who Friendzone you in the first place.

The Friendzone can be difficult especially if both parties know you’re in the Friendzone (either you’ve been told directly or it’s a silent yet mutual acknowledgement). It can be difficult in the fact that if you’re the one being Friendzone then you may not even realise what it is you done that’s put you there.

One of the most common reasons for getting trapped in the Friendzone can be that you’re too nice towards the person. Stupid I know, but entirely true and this is one I can speak from experience. For me nine times out of 10 this is my reason, trying to help in every way possible. Constantly giving advice, doing things for that person or in general sense just being nice.

Giving advice is a tricky one that can lead to being put into the Friendzone, especially if it’s advice about relationships. You’re most likely to get hit with the “why can’t I find someone that’s as nice as you?” An extremely frustrating sentence as you’re the one that is as nice as you. However the statement is not an insult but rather them just making sure you know your place, the translation to that line is just “You’re a really nice person, the kind I’m looking for just not you.”

You may think by giving relationship advice that you’re just showing that person all the reasons why you’re the perfect match, but the reality is you’re just giving them another reason to Friendzone you as it comes across as a but of brag. My advice is never give relationship advice to the one you don’t want to be in a Friendzone with. This way you kind of leave yourself open to mystery as they don’t find out your views on relationships too early.

However it can be hard if they come to you for the advice, at which point accept that you’re already halfway to the Friendzone. Not all bad though there’s time to save yourself, just respectfully tell them that you’re just as lost as they are and not to take your advice as this is the reason you’re single as it is. This may seem like your downplaying yourself but in reality everyone loves someone that’s a bit broken it’s how they feel that they can actually work towards something once in the relationship and also reminds them that no one is perfect and that’s ok.

Don’t view as being in the Friendzone as always a negative thing. Being friends is ok, as long as you’re ok with that. I mean you’re still in that person’s life and the chances are that if you’re in the Friendzone you’re still an important part of that person’s life.

In terms of getting out of the Friendzone, this can be the difficult one and if you’re intent on getting out by your own accord just make sure you’re ready for when it doesn’t work out as it really is a 50/50 chance and if it doesn’t work there’s a good chance you get pushed away in total.

In order to get out there are few things you may need to do that you may not like. First is communication, stop talking to the person so often. Limit yourself to how often you’re talking and seeing this person. This let’s them know that you’re not as enthuastic as they are to be friends but you’re not pushing them totally away. Try to find that balance that keeps you happy with the situation but also your not dedicating as much of you’re time.

Next you want to establish boundaries. There are some people I know that are in the Friendzone but are too comfortable with playing the best friend or third wheel. By all means make sure you’re not this person. Don’t be the one that rushes to their aid at the drop of a hat, take that step back and let someone else do it but make sure you’re still in the picture in one way or the other, you’re just not the first one to be at their side all the time. That’s what friends do and that’s what friends are good at.

Lastly you need self discipline, the hardest of all. You need to know when to step back and stop yourself from constantly being ‘just that friend’. Self discipline is the hardest of all as sometimes can be hard to take a step back and watch things unfold even if you saw it coming a mile away and could of stopped it. Let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Remember no one is perfect so let them be their imperfect selves.

To you with love, your friend THC x

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February 20th 2019 – friendships

Friendships. To most of us the word holds a crucial meaning. Everyone needs friends, but to what extent? We’ve all heard the phrase ‘you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.’ It’s the first half of this sentence that I don’t totally agree with. There are some friends you may have that you didn’t necessarily choose. For instance a friend you have could of helped you out with a random act of kindness which then led to a friendship, to which I feel it’s more the universe choosing some of your friends for you.

The friends you make at young age will define what kind of person you grow up to be. Hang around with the wrong crowd and you will most likely start making bad decisions, which is why I’ve always believed strongly in surrounding yourself with positive people. The right friends will push you to be the better person that they know you can be. They can elevate you to new heights you never knew was achievable.

Unfortunately we can lose friends just as quick as we can make them, which is why it’s important that the friendships work in a two way system, you both have to be there for each other. I’ve been lucky enough to have found friends that will truly be there for me through thick and thin, but this wouldn’t work if I wouldn’t do the same for them. How you value your friendships will determine how long and what kind of friendship you have with that person.

In the years where my depression was at its most prominent I lost friends but at the same time made some new ones along the way. Those friends that stuck around when I was at my lowest truly saved my life, and that’s something that means the world to me and I make sure that they not only understand how much I value their friendship but that I would do the same for them.

Luckily I’ve never really struggled to make friends but I have had problems in keeping those friendships alive. The majority of friends I had back in my school days I no longer speak to let alone see. This may be the same for many of you reading this, the thing that bothers me about this is that these are the people that helped me grow as a person and influenced the way I think, and now they are all just a distant memory. There are a few that I would like to reconnect with but don’t really know what to say in order to do that. I have no bad feelings towards them but when you haven’t spoke to someone for a lengthy period of time it’s hard to find the words to say in order to reconnect, especially when they were someone you once considered a friend. When you know there was no real reason behind why you stopped talking to them, how do you explain that to them?

Like I said before friendships are a two way system and communication is key, but are friendships kept by talking to that person on a regular basis or is it possible to maintain a good friendship if you only speak to them once or twice a month or even once every couple of months? I would say time (which is a human made concept) Should not define your friendship in any way shape or form but the love you have that person should be the reason instead. As write this blog I am going to promise myself that the friendships that I’ve lost due to a lack of communication over time I will try to rectify. If you have found that you have also lost some friends due to this exact same reason that you try and do the same, but remember never should you try and force that friendship. If they have taken an offence to the lack of communication over time then so be it. You felt as though you had already lost them as a friend right? So don’t take offence to the fact they may have taken offence to this.

However I feel as if this kind of reconnection of past friendships could benefit you and them in many ways. For instance if you look back on that friendship with fond memories then the reconnection will help you make new ones to cherish. Also mentally this could be a great thing for you too, and maybe even them as they could be going through a rough time and this reconnection could just be the tonic that helps them out.

So in conclusion your friends not only reflect on who you are but the type of person you want to become, and the reconnection of past friendships may benefit not only your life but there’s too (there is your act of kindness). So take that leap of faith and reconnect, you never know some of your best memories may yet be still to come through these friendships, just promise yourself to never force it. Also try to make new friends, even if you find this hard as long as you try you will find that’s there’s people out there that only want you as friend but need you as a friend, and never let time determine how strong your friendships are either.

To you with love, your friend THC x