February 20th 2019 – friendships

Friendships. To most of us the word holds a crucial meaning. Everyone needs friends, but to what extent? We’ve all heard the phrase ‘you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.’ It’s the first half of this sentence that I don’t totally agree with. There are some friends you may have that you didn’t necessarily choose. For instance a friend you have could of helped you out with a random act of kindness which then led to a friendship, to which I feel it’s more the universe choosing some of your friends for you.

The friends you make at young age will define what kind of person you grow up to be. Hang around with the wrong crowd and you will most likely start making bad decisions, which is why I’ve always believed strongly in surrounding yourself with positive people. The right friends will push you to be the better person that they know you can be. They can elevate you to new heights you never knew was achievable.

Unfortunately we can lose friends just as quick as we can make them, which is why it’s important that the friendships work in a two way system, you both have to be there for each other. I’ve been lucky enough to have found friends that will truly be there for me through thick and thin, but this wouldn’t work if I wouldn’t do the same for them. How you value your friendships will determine how long and what kind of friendship you have with that person.

In the years where my depression was at its most prominent I lost friends but at the same time made some new ones along the way. Those friends that stuck around when I was at my lowest truly saved my life, and that’s something that means the world to me and I make sure that they not only understand how much I value their friendship but that I would do the same for them.

Luckily I’ve never really struggled to make friends but I have had problems in keeping those friendships alive. The majority of friends I had back in my school days I no longer speak to let alone see. This may be the same for many of you reading this, the thing that bothers me about this is that these are the people that helped me grow as a person and influenced the way I think, and now they are all just a distant memory. There are a few that I would like to reconnect with but don’t really know what to say in order to do that. I have no bad feelings towards them but when you haven’t spoke to someone for a lengthy period of time it’s hard to find the words to say in order to reconnect, especially when they were someone you once considered a friend. When you know there was no real reason behind why you stopped talking to them, how do you explain that to them?

Like I said before friendships are a two way system and communication is key, but are friendships kept by talking to that person on a regular basis or is it possible to maintain a good friendship if you only speak to them once or twice a month or even once every couple of months? I would say time (which is a human made concept) Should not define your friendship in any way shape or form but the love you have that person should be the reason instead. As write this blog I am going to promise myself that the friendships that I’ve lost due to a lack of communication over time I will try to rectify. If you have found that you have also lost some friends due to this exact same reason that you try and do the same, but remember never should you try and force that friendship. If they have taken an offence to the lack of communication over time then so be it. You felt as though you had already lost them as a friend right? So don’t take offence to the fact they may have taken offence to this.

However I feel as if this kind of reconnection of past friendships could benefit you and them in many ways. For instance if you look back on that friendship with fond memories then the reconnection will help you make new ones to cherish. Also mentally this could be a great thing for you too, and maybe even them as they could be going through a rough time and this reconnection could just be the tonic that helps them out.

So in conclusion your friends not only reflect on who you are but the type of person you want to become, and the reconnection of past friendships may benefit not only your life but there’s too (there is your act of kindness). So take that leap of faith and reconnect, you never know some of your best memories may yet be still to come through these friendships, just promise yourself to never force it. Also try to make new friends, even if you find this hard as long as you try you will find that’s there’s people out there that only want you as friend but need you as a friend, and never let time determine how strong your friendships are either.

To you with love, your friend THC x

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4 thoughts on “February 20th 2019 – friendships

  1. I’m never able to keep friends. Perhaps I didn’t put in efforts. But there was a friend whom I really cherished and treated her like my younger sis. Our friendship lasted 11 years before I stopped contact. Not coz we rarely kept in touch, even though we met up only once a year, and a few texts a couple of times a year, it lasted. Till the time when I finally felt that I was taken for granted. All along, when she came to me with her issues, I would listen to her and share my opinions. And whenever she needed help in areas I was well-informed in, I always helped in wherever I could. The last time she asked me for advice was when she was renovating her flat. She was looking for renovators, from looking at quotations to materials to different kinds of works, I assisted her and shared with her what I know. Though eventually she didn’t heed my advice and hired the firm which I wouldn’t have recommended. Anyway, her renovation was finishing up, and I was so looking forward to her housewarming. She had told me that her flat handover would be due in September. Give and take, I guess perhaps a little delay and touch-up here and there, the handover might take a couple more weeks. But I never got invited to her housewarming. I never heard from her again, till December. She texted me again, “Hi hi, how are you?” I deleted her text, her contact, and her from my life there and then. I wasn’t angry with her. I was more like…disappointed. Hmm…Long-winded. Haha. Ever since then, I haven’t been making new friends. Even colleagues from previous jobs, I no longer keep in contact. Life is simple and quiet when you’re friendless. It might not be a bad thing. 🙂 hope you reconnect with your old friends.

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    1. I feel that the effort you put into a friendship can be demoralizing (hope I spelt that right) if you you don’t receive the same effort in return. You’re well within your rights to feel disappointed at being left out especially as you helped her in this particular area, however maybe you could of asked her why this was the case rather than end the friendship on a relatively sour note. And your right the less friends you have the more simple life can be and also the more time you have to focus on and deal with your own problems, which certainly is not a bad thing. As long as your comfortable with the people you have around you then I see no reason to make yourself uncomfortable in trying to make new friends, but in saying that you may be surprised to find there are some great people out there if you give it try, but again your happiness is what really matters. As far as my reconnecting with old friends is going I’m taking it slow and so far so good, even though I’m sure there will be a couple of hiccups in this future endeavour.

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