February 26th 2019 – Friendzone

Today I want to talk about the dreaded or not so dreaded (depending on the situation) Friendzone. The majority view the Friendzone as a bad thing but that’s not always the case.

Admittedly I have found myself in the Friendzone many a time and sometimes although rarely I have managed to get out of said Friendzone. Now there are no steps you can really take to get out as it more depends on the person who Friendzone you in the first place.

The Friendzone can be difficult especially if both parties know you’re in the Friendzone (either you’ve been told directly or it’s a silent yet mutual acknowledgement). It can be difficult in the fact that if you’re the one being Friendzone then you may not even realise what it is you done that’s put you there.

One of the most common reasons for getting trapped in the Friendzone can be that you’re too nice towards the person. Stupid I know, but entirely true and this is one I can speak from experience. For me nine times out of 10 this is my reason, trying to help in every way possible. Constantly giving advice, doing things for that person or in general sense just being nice.

Giving advice is a tricky one that can lead to being put into the Friendzone, especially if it’s advice about relationships. You’re most likely to get hit with the “why can’t I find someone that’s as nice as you?” An extremely frustrating sentence as you’re the one that is as nice as you. However the statement is not an insult but rather them just making sure you know your place, the translation to that line is just “You’re a really nice person, the kind I’m looking for just not you.”

You may think by giving relationship advice that you’re just showing that person all the reasons why you’re the perfect match, but the reality is you’re just giving them another reason to Friendzone you as it comes across as a but of brag. My advice is never give relationship advice to the one you don’t want to be in a Friendzone with. This way you kind of leave yourself open to mystery as they don’t find out your views on relationships too early.

However it can be hard if they come to you for the advice, at which point accept that you’re already halfway to the Friendzone. Not all bad though there’s time to save yourself, just respectfully tell them that you’re just as lost as they are and not to take your advice as this is the reason you’re single as it is. This may seem like your downplaying yourself but in reality everyone loves someone that’s a bit broken it’s how they feel that they can actually work towards something once in the relationship and also reminds them that no one is perfect and that’s ok.

Don’t view as being in the Friendzone as always a negative thing. Being friends is ok, as long as you’re ok with that. I mean you’re still in that person’s life and the chances are that if you’re in the Friendzone you’re still an important part of that person’s life.

In terms of getting out of the Friendzone, this can be the difficult one and if you’re intent on getting out by your own accord just make sure you’re ready for when it doesn’t work out as it really is a 50/50 chance and if it doesn’t work there’s a good chance you get pushed away in total.

In order to get out there are few things you may need to do that you may not like. First is communication, stop talking to the person so often. Limit yourself to how often you’re talking and seeing this person. This let’s them know that you’re not as enthuastic as they are to be friends but you’re not pushing them totally away. Try to find that balance that keeps you happy with the situation but also your not dedicating as much of you’re time.

Next you want to establish boundaries. There are some people I know that are in the Friendzone but are too comfortable with playing the best friend or third wheel. By all means make sure you’re not this person. Don’t be the one that rushes to their aid at the drop of a hat, take that step back and let someone else do it but make sure you’re still in the picture in one way or the other, you’re just not the first one to be at their side all the time. That’s what friends do and that’s what friends are good at.

Lastly you need self discipline, the hardest of all. You need to know when to step back and stop yourself from constantly being ‘just that friend’. Self discipline is the hardest of all as sometimes can be hard to take a step back and watch things unfold even if you saw it coming a mile away and could of stopped it. Let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Remember no one is perfect so let them be their imperfect selves.

To you with love, your friend THC x

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