February 17th 2019 – The drinking problem

The titles of these blogs I admit maybe be slightly misleading. I analyse each day the morning after, so even though the title says the 17th which is a Sunday this blog is more about the Saturday.

Now we have that cleared up let’s talk about the Saturday. I used to be a big fan of the whole going out to a bar or nightclub on Saturday, in fact I lived that life for a while. It was an enjoyable part of my life I would be lying if I said it wasn’t, however after a few years of being drunk every weekend I took a step back from it. I remember the first time I broke the cycle, my friends thought there was something wrong but in truth I just felt like I wanted a quiet weekend after long week at work. As I work night shifts my friends understood and never pushed the issue. After what would of been the third or fourth weekend in a row that I hadn’t been out with them, there were a few questions being asked like “is he ok?” Or “has he fell out with us?” When the truth was that after taking that one weekend off drinking I realised I was on my way to a drinking problem.

To some of you this may seem like an overreaction on my part but I would ask you to hear me out. Now I know the basis of going out for a few drinks (even though on most occasions it was more than ‘Just a few drinks’) doesn’t necessarily mean I have a problem, but just like a match needs to be struck in order to be lit, all alcohol needs is an underlying problem in order to manifest into a drinking problem. Sometimes this can be a quick transition other times it’s a longer process. Either way I’ve witnessed first hand in the areas I grew up in throughout my childhood that when this happens it’s very difficult to catch yourself.

I count myself one of the lucky ones, that one little step back I took all because I was too tired to go out on that one weekend made me realise that I had been drinking heavily most weekends, I mean most times I was going out with the idea in my head that I was going to drink until the point I couldn’t drink anymore. This I realised was part of a much bigger problem. You see I had been depressed without actually really realising it, I used to think I had lows and highs just like everyone else so I can’t be depressed, but depression doesn’t work like that. Depression will always be a touchy subject, there are those who think it’s all in your head and it’s all about mindset but let’s be honest it goes a lot deeper than that and is very difficult to get out of.

Now after around two months of not going out drinking at the weekend I spoke to one of my closest friends at the time, I told him a lot of what I was dealing with and why I was feeling the way I was. I knew he didn’t understand the reasons fully but he did acknowledge that I was going through some problems of my own and only I could find the solutions to these problems. Unfortunately for me not everyone saw it the same way as him and I lost a few friends, those that I lost either thought that I was either lying about it all or just didn’t seems to care enough to try to understand it. I don’t blame any of them in slightest. I’m not on bad terms with any of them and over that past couple of years I’ve worked at rebuilding those friendships but this time away from the alcohol.

I think it’s important that we remind ourselves that while the party lifestyle is amazing when we are young, we must remind ourselves to just take a step back once in while and make sure that mentally as much as physically that we are ok. I think if we allow ourselves to do that the the chances of falling into a drinking problem would be slim. We are in an age where that party lifestyle seems to be the more natural thing to do when we are young and I don’t think we realise how much of a problem it can be.

Nowadays I enjoy a much more relaxing weekend, and if I do drink I make sure it’s only a couple and always promise myself I won’t go overboard. For some this isn’t an option and they choose to go totally sober which if I’m fair I really should myself. If you’ve read this far I ask you to ask yourself that if you live the lifestyle where most weekends you’re out partying, that you just take a step back yourself and ask yourself what do you really do it for? Be honest with yourself about it, it could save your life.

I’ll leave you with the wise words of my old maths teacher “if you cheat/lie, then you are only cheating/lying to yourself.”

To you with love THC x

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February 16th 2019

I think I will use this first blog entry as an introduction into why I am doing this (be prepared this will be a long one). For years I’ve always wanted to put my thoughts and feelings out there, but have been too afraid out of fear of being judged. So I’ve came to the conclusion that I should finally start blogging. My aims for this are quite selfish I must admit, I’m really just wanting to offload thoughts I have on a daily basis that I’m currently finding hard to deal with. I’m not even sure if anyone will come across this let alone read it and to be honest that disappoints me a little but I promise stick at this even if that does become the case.

I don’t think it’s fair that I remain totally anonymous so I’ll give you some insight into who I am. There’s not much to me…really, I’m 23 years old living in the UK. As far as family goes the only ones worth mentioning would be my mum, my gran and my two older brothers (2 and 4 years older than me). The rest of my family I don’t really speak to, even on special occasions like Christmas or birthdays. My friend circle is quite small but I feel like it’s a lot to handle and over the course of these blogs maybe you will come to understand why…or maybe you’ll just think I’ve lost the plot and hey you wouldn’t be the first one.

Next I think I’ll tell you about my up brining just in case that helps you understand this all a bit more. I grew up poor. Like the type of poor where my trainers I wore to school would have holes in the bottom and sometimes I wouldn’t get a new pair for a month or two because we never had that type of money. The designer clothes I wore were hand me downs from my neighbourhood friends, I never bought my first designer piece of clothing until I was 17. Luckily for me the bullying I encountered didn’t last long mainly because I decided to become the class clown so everyone wanted to be my friend rather than pick on me, and also partly because I good at thinking up excuses on the spot. I moved house five times each time to a different city so I never really held down a solid group of friends even though I got through all five years of secondary school without having to move school which at the time I considered a luxury. So growing up I could always count on my two brothers and my mum for support and advice so I knew I was loved so no problems there.

Part of me doesn’t really know where I’m going with all this, I’ll be taking it day by day seeing how it goes giving you as much of my thoughts on little and big situations that I encounter. If you’ve read this far then I congratulate you, if over the course of these blogs you feel like you can relate to what I’m talking about then I hope it’s for the better and not the worse.

As I bring this first blog entry to a close I hope I didn’t bore you too much and if I did then I apologise, the only thing I can tell you is it will get better.

To you with love, THC x.